When an adorable Trash Panda becomes a Trashed Panda, you might as well capitalize on it with some official new drink recipes, says the Virginia ABC

The Virginia Alcoholic Beverage Control Authority just launched a new marketing campaign, building on the widespread news of a local raccoon who broke into a liquor store and was found passed out drunk in the bathroom. The incident happened around midnight, but as raccoons are nocturnal, it could be argued that it was the equivalent of drinking first thing in the morning?

Story Overview

The initial story, led at first with only the photo below, became more and more viral as additional details were released.

Since then, the Virginia ABC has released additional photos and videos of the culprit that were captured on the store’s surveillance cameras. The raccoon, initially sober, can be seen making himself at home, climbing shelves and eventually breaking bottles. Not wanting to waste perfectly good booze, the little troublemaker indulged, until eventually passing out in the store’s bathroom. While he probably drunk texted an ex or two, at least he didn’t drive.

The Raccoon’s Rags-to-Riches Outcome

In a very if-you-can’t-beat-em-join-em kind of move, the state’s official alcohol regulatory body decided to capitalize on the incident by releasing some new recipes in the bandit’s honor. While just variations of some classics we already know and love, these cocktails can only be improved when presented by the cutest thief ever (albeit it A.I. generated).

Maybe we should have led off with this, but yes, the raccoon was safely removed and released back into nature. However, once considered a nuisance, this coon has made his big break as an influencer, with the brand deals now rolling in. Oh, and p.s… just in case you’re thinking about it, us humans wouldn’t be facing a similar good fortune if found under these same circumstances.

Without further adieu, enjoy these clever new raccoon-inspired recipes.

Three Cocktails Straight From the Raccoon Recipe Vault

According to the Virginia ABC, “following the sober ride home for our woodland friend, [our] employees discovered three surprisingly delicious recipe recommendations! Whether you’re craving tangy, scrappy or sparkly mischief, these creations deliver full woodland chaos in a glass.”

Rye Rascal Sour

It’s tangy and rich like something your favorite troublemaking raccoon would proudly recommend after enjoying the good stuff from the top shelf. Blackberry “mask” drizzle included — because even cocktails deserve disguises.

Midnight Masked Gin Fizz

A lively, mischievous cocktail that’s equal parts citrus sparkle and berry mischief. This is the drink your favorite rascally raccoon would craft after a stealthy ABC store excursion. Bright, fizzy and finished with a drifting blackberry “mask.”

Trash Panda Old Fashioned

The Trash Panda Old Fashioned is a scrappy, no-nonsense twist on the classic old fashioned mixed with bourbon, brown sugar and smoky bitterness. It tastes like something a resourceful raccoon would proudly mix after a late night visit to an ABC store. Bold, simple and a little wild around the edges.

View these full recipes here and let us know what you think! It feels appropriate to add that if you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol abuse, help is available. Visit https://www.aa.org/ for more resources.

What To Do If You Have An Unwanted Raccoon Visitor You Want To Remove

Over here at Southern Report, we have a soft spot for raccoons and think they are often misunderstood. It’s not uncommon for a full-grown mother to be killed or removed, leaving small babies to fend for themselves, which is rarely successful. Although every state’s laws are different, we ask you to be informed on the humane options and consider this resource before taking matters into your own hands.